zingmagazine #23

I had a dream recently. It goes like this . . . I am in a house, supposedly my house, but it is a house I do not recognize. In this house there is a gigantic party going on, with full on catering-tables and tables, even L-shaped tables all covered in crudite and cold cuts, chips and onion dip, and soft drink bars-bright lighting further shapes the atmosphere in a somehow unpleasant way. This house of mine is completely unfamiliar, and stock full of people I do not know, all enjoying themselves to the fullest.

I start to look for Fernando, thinking perhaps he has something to do with this unexplained and soon seemingly Republican extravaganza. Can’t find him (naturally-it’s a dream). Nonetheless, I continue searching for someone I know, climbing the various HGTV staircases until I eventually find, really much to my overwhelming annoyance and horrible chagrin, a familiar face: Mitt Romney’s. And then I realize Mitt is this vast party’s host-he is actually having a Romney fundraiser in what seems to be my home.

I approach him sitting at a table, his back to me, and in a blustery fashion I say assertively and somewhat demandingly, “You can’t just go into people’s houses and have a fundraiser without their permission!!!” Romney turns and says, “Well you can, if you pay for it . . . . And I did!”. This infuriates me further.

But against all my political and territorial impulses to kick him out of the house, I notice the reason Mitt is seated: he is injured-his right foot is very bruised, barefoot, resting on one of the many, many tables, while a lackey attends to the lame foot injury. Not to be a total jerk, I simply ask, “What the hell happened to your foot?” He explains, “Well I was mingling with my guests, and while garnering votes and telling people how I will cut taxes, I happened to wander into ’N Sync’s practice session and got tangled up in their dance moves.”

Do you believe him? I HOPE not, but we’ll know by the time this issue of zingmagazine is out. This dream sucks. . .

Devon Dikeou
editor/publisher